Insane and Dangerous: Chapter 1
by EvilElements
Summary: The troublesome trio James, Sirius, and Remus meet up with a group of crazy witches named the Amor Sisters, who have been proclaimed by the Ministry of Magic as "INSANE AND DANGEROUS". Please R/R!!!!!
1. Default Chapter

"Insane and Dangerous"

Chapter 1

                "Shadows fell across the forest and the moon rose in the sky…"

                "Wait, wait, that's not right!! What are you doing Twilight?" cried out Lazik angrily.

                "I'm narrating."

                "Well that isn't how you start an evil story!"

                "Hey guys, when are we going to take over Hogwarts?"

                "Shut-up Luna!!" the other two shout in unison. 

                Wisps of Lazik's royal blue hair fell into her face as she jumped down from a pillar and landed gracefully next to her sisters. Twilight sat at the fire with her black hair tumbling in thick waves on her shoulders while Luna sat in the corner muttering about world conquest and Lazik eating her doughnut. 

                "That's it!" Luna screamed, jumping up from her seat on the floor, "I can't stand this any longer! Can we conquer something now?! I don't care what, it can be anything!"

                "I'm starting to worry about her, Twilight," Lazik whispered.

                "Well, insanity does help with being evil…I suppose," Twilight replied.

                "I think she's taking this insanity thing a bit far. Last week, while she was destroying a village, she started crying because someone had broken her crayons." 

                "She probably just wants attention."

                "Can we destroy Hogwarts now?" Luna interjected. For one of the very few times in her life, she let go of her insane altar-ego and began twirling a strand crimson hair around her finger. "Well, can we?"

                "Sure, whatever you want baby sister." There was then a chorus of evil laughter.

~*~

                "Detention all of you," Professor Foshizzle shouted at Sirius Black, James Potter, and Remus Lupin as a chain of dungbombs went off in the Potions dungeon. The Gryffindor half of the class roared with laughter while the Slytherins glared daggers at the three. As the class ended, their classmates congratulated them while they were walking up to History of Magic.

                "Well," Sirius Black commented brightly, "At least that will stop the rumors that we've stopped playing pranks." 

                During History of Magic, an earth-shattering event took place, one that would mark the books forever…the lesson was interesting. Well at least to Sirius, who was staring at the pictures of four ancient witches who had been named by the early ministry of magic, 'insane and very dangerous'. 

                "Wow, whoever said that history of magic class is boring should die."

                "Sirius, you do know that those four were mentally unstable," Remus whispered.

                "First of all, what do you mean _were_? They only lived a thousand years ago. They could still be around…maybe…it never said they died. Also, they're major babes so just let me stare at them for a while. Please." It was now James turn to laugh. 

                "If they are still around, they're probably old hags by now anyway."

~*~

                "OLD HAGS? OLD HAGS? Did that insolent little brat just call us OLD HAGS? I'll kill him!! I think it's time for some of my old torture methods!" Luna screeched at the fire.

                "Oh no, not this again," Lazik muttered.

                "Oh dear god, why us?" Twilight questioned rhetorically. 

                "The pudding treatment!" Luna cried out triumphantly while her older sisters groaned simultaneously. 

                Lazik reluctantly took three pouches out of her pocket. "Chocolate, vanilla, or –dare I ask- butterscotch?"     

" I believe a crime of this magnitude calls for the worst we have –don don don- butterscotch!" 

"You know," Twilight turned to Lazik, "If it weren't for the sound effects she'd almost be sane."

"Almost is the key word," Lazik retorted. 

"I got it!" Midnight came charging into the room with her blonde hair flying out behind her. "Thanks to us keeping Luna locked up in this old castle for the last century, we finally can lose that that 'insane and very dangerous' title." 

"Oh yeah, we're over flowing with joy," Lazik commented dryly.

"Does that mean that we're going to have to be good again? I kind of enjoyed pretending to be evil," Twilight said. 

"We were pretending?" Luna joined the conversation late as she usually did. "You all lied to me! I hate you! I-hate-you!!!!!!!!!!!!" She continued crying and yelling while the other commenced with the conversation. 

"Well, I got an owl this afternoon from Dumbledore…" Twilight started but was cut off by more of Luna's ranting. 

"I hate you! I hate you! Dumbledore? Hogwarts? I hate Hogwarts! I hate you all!!" Luna shrieked, now turning red in the face from air loss. 

"What did he want?" Midnight inquired.

"I think he needed a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He wanted to know if any of us were interested."

"No way, that job is cursed," Lazik commented, "Does he want us dead?"

"Well, it's not like we've helped his cause recently," Midnight added cautiously. "Anyway, would it really be that bad? I'd teach if Twilight came along." Midnight looked at her twin. "This would be a good reason to get away from Luna for a while."

"Maybe. We haven't gotten into the real world lately, have we? I think I'd enjoy that, so sure, I'll go."

"Wait one minute! You can't leave me alone with Luna!" Lazik complained as Luna began pouring pudding mix into her cauldron. "For the love of god, don't go! I'll be a good girl from now on!! I'm serious! Please, I'm begging you, I'll do anything!"

"What's happening? What did I miss? Where are Midnight and Twilight going? Where's the lazy dog? Where the lazy cat? Where's the lazy mouse? Well, when I'm done, none of you get any of my pudding!" Luna burst out with all of her questions. And after her actual inquiries, she began reciting lines from "The Little Red Hen". 

"Good, you probably poisoned it anyway," Lazik retorted bitterly. "Wait don't go…" but Twilight and Midnight were already gone. 

~*~   

                "I can't believe you actually went to the library to take out a book!" James laughed as he stared at his best friend. "Next thing you know, you may follow the rules or something."

                "Ha-ha. I just wanted to see more pictures of those four babes."

                "Um, Sirius?" Remus inquired, "What part of **'insane and very dangerous' **don't you understand?"

                "I don't think he can hear you Moony," James replied, as Sirius returned to his book. 

                "So have you heard? Apparently we're getting a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

                "Yeah, I hope this one isn't a push over like the last one. He was kind of strange but after just one of our pranks, we set him straight," James said as he pulled the book out of his best friend's hands and led him back to the dormitory.

                The next morning, James, Remus, and Sirius decided what prank to pull of their unsuspecting teacher as they packed their bags. 

                "I think that we should set off a dungbomb," James said. 

                "No, we did that yesterday to Foshizzle. We should use the firecrackers that I got for Christmas," Remus replied.

                "What do you think Sirius?" James questioned. Sirius was huddled in the corner of the room hugging his legs and rocking in a fetal position. He was apparently still upset about his book being taken away. 

                "Are you okay?" James asked.

                "Need book! Must see pretty girls!" Sirius chanted. 

                "Let's just go to class. Maybe you'll feel better then," Remus remarked, heading for the door.

~*~

                After James and Remus practically dragged Sirius down three flights of stairs, the trio took their seats in the back of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Hidden in Remus' hand was a wet start firecracker and next to him, James was alert and ready to do a water spell. Just then, the door opened and two old women walked in. 

                "I'm Twilight and this is my twin Midnight. We will be your new teachers," said the one wearing deep scarlet robes in a surprisingly melodious voice. 

                "I suggest that the young men in back of the room stop the prank that they are planning on playing before they get themselves in trouble," said the other twin dressed in black robes. The trio's jaws dropped in amazement. Smiling, the one dressed in black lead the class while her sister sat in a chair, staring strangely at Remus. 

                "And so for the next class everyone must turn in a five paragraph essay on the three ways a grindylow is capable of hunting." As the class began to leave, a cat came up to Midnight's leg and began brushing up against it. Twilight came forward and picked up the cat and carried it out of the classroom. When she returned, most of the class was gone, except for the three pranksters in the back. Two of them were trying to pull the third off of his desk while he was staring off into space talking about four 'babes' and how he needed some book. 

                "Come on Sirius. Stop whining about the book and get on with your life, we did it for your best interest," James Potter lectured. 

                "Yeah, we're your best friends. We wouldn't want you staring at the pictures of those four chemically unbalanced women for the rest of your life," Remus added. 

                "But-but they were pretty chemically unbalanced women. I don't care if they are insane," Sirius argued back. 

                "What are those boys doing?" Twilight questioned. She walked over to them. "Shouldn't you three be tormenting some other teacher?"

                "Well, Sirius here has kind of fallen in love with four old hags who seriously needed to see Freuod."

                "They are not old hags!" Sirius yelled. 

                "Oh my, these four 'old hags' wouldn't happen to be the Amor Sisters, would they?" Midnight questioned. 

                "Yeah, I think that was their proper name. Why?" James said, staring at them incredulously. 

                "Well, if I were you," Twilight said, pointing at James, "I would watch my back. By the way, Sirius is correct. They are not old hags."

                "Awesome! Wait…how do you know?" Sirius questioned suspiciously. 

                "Uh-, friends of the family. Long story," Twilight replied quickly.

~*~

                "Want some of my pudding?" Luna questioned happily.

                "I thought that you weren't going to give me any," Lazik replied.

                "I-I was just testing you. To see if you remembered!" 

                "Don't talk to me. Go back to creating whatever you're creating," Lazik said solemnly. 

                "My _pudding _is done. Now, **TO THE BROOMSTICKS**!!" Luna screeched. 

                "To the, dun-dun-dun-DUN, the Lightning Boltz, with a 'z'!!" Lazik bellowed.

                "I thought you said that sound effects were for insane people," Luna said suspiciously.

                "I think you're rubbing off on me. I wonder what Twilight is going to say?" Lazik pondered.

                "Where are Twilight and Midnight anyway?" 

                "They're teaching the Defense Against the Dark Arts job at Hogwarts. I think that it's time we checked up on them."

                "Oh goody!! Do I get to bring my pudding?!"

                "Yeah, whatever. Just make it snappy, we have to leave soon if we want to make it a surprise," Lazik muttered evilly. 

                "Oh yay!! I should've made more!! I wonder what I should put it in…" Luna said as she had a two-way conversation with herself. 

                "You have such a quaint sense of humor, Luna," Lazik remarked to her sister. 

                "Oh thank you, I try," Luna replied simply, tying the containers of pudding to her broomstick.

                They then clambered onto their broomsticks and took flight. 

~*~

                "Why is this taking so long? I thought we lived somewhere in the Forbidden Forest?" Luna questioned.

                "No, we live half way across the planet we just had to tell you we live in the Forbidden Forest to keep the 'wannabe evil' side of you happy," Lazik retorted.

                "What?!  You mean you have been lying to me the whole time!?  But that means that I didn't really talk to Lord Voldemort?" Luna questioned hesitantly.                               

                "I hate to say that 'Lord Voldemort' was Twilight's old boyfriend dressed in black robes dripping with red colored cornstarch."

                "You mean I said I'd be a follower to a guy who slept with Twilight?" Luna asked in her lost child voice. Lazik was starting to regret not taking the position at Hogwarts. Finally Lazik and Luna touched down on the Hogwarts ground somewhere between the Forbidden Forest and an old tool shed (Hagrid's future hut). Lazik and Luna decided that if they were going to be secretive, they would have to make their entrance spy-like. They got onto their stomachs and crawled towards the oh-so-obvious front entrance. As they were crawling they discovered that there was a moat around the school the hard way.

                "Help, help! It's a conspiracy! They're plotting against us! They know we're coming! We must retreat!" Lazik choked, through a mouthful of water. 

                "Now Lazik, how do we know that they're plotting against _us_. They could be plotting against the tribe of evil salmon that was following us earlier!" Luna replied suspiciously, climbing onto the muddy bank. 

                "I hate to break it to you Luna, but salmon live in the water."

                "Not any more they don't."

                Lazik climbed out the other side of the moat and rung out her dripping robes. 

                "Now all we have to do is board our brooms and fly to the classroom window, and give them the fright of their lives," Luna said deviously. 

                "Then why didn't we do that in the first place?" Lazik questioned. 

                "Because this way was flashier and made us seem sneakier."

                "Thank you for enlightening me." 

                They boarded their broomsticks and flew into the air. 

                "Which window are we supposed to be going in?" Luna questioned. 

                "All I know is that it's made out of glass." 

                "I think that we should turn left," Luna said triumphantly.

                "Well, I think that we should turn _right_."

                "LET'S GO!!" they shouted in unison. 

                Luna turned left and Lazik turned right and they both crashed into each other. They lost control of their brooms and ran into the nearest window (it just so happened to be the right one). Twilight, Midnight, and the troublesome trio looked at the pudding splattered window as two young witches slid down it.

                "Oh dear god, how did they get here?" Twilight screeched. 

                "You know, you seem to use that saying a lot now Twilight," Midnight stated.

                "Are those your friends of the family, the Amor Sisters, or at least two of them?" Sirius questioned, apparently shocked by the uncanny resemblance. 

                "Nope, never seen those two crackpots in our lives, right Midnight…" 

"Sad to say, it is true," Midnight replied, cutting Twilight off.

"MIDNIGHT!!" Twilight hissed.

"Actually, they aren't really friends of the family. They're actually our sisters," Midnight replied guiltily, opening the window for her sisters. 

"WHAT? How could that be?! I mean you two are old hags and they're young!" James thought out aloud.

"How dare you!!" Twilight screamed. At that moment, there was a flash of blinding light. When the smoke cleared, there was a young witch standing in the place of where the 'old hag' used to be.

"Whoa mama! This is way better than that lousy book! This is the real thing!" Sirius shouted. 

"I've always thought so," Twilight replied flirtatiously, scooting closer to Remus. 

There was then another flash of light. Midnight had transformed back into her normal form.

"Could any of you tell me where Professor Foshizzle is?" Midnight questioned casually. 

"He's in the dungeons, why?" James said, slowly backing away.

"Ooooh, I've always liked a man with chains," Midnight squealed. Using her wand, a whip suddenly appeared in the air. She then firmly grasped the whip and ran out of the room.

"Was that one of the most disturbing things you've even seen, or is it just me?" Remus asked.

~*~

 Luna and Lazik fell to the ground with a giant thud.

"OW!  That really hurt my head!" Lazik said rubbing a bump on her head.

"Really, that hurt you? I didn't feel a thing," Luna said throwing her Lightening Boltz off her lap.

"Maybe, that's because…YOU'RE SITTING ON TOP OF ME!" Lazik roared.

"Oh sorry," Luna said breezily.

Without hesitation Sirius stepped up to Lazik who was still sprawled on the floor.

"Here want some help?" Sirius questioned with a grin.

"Sure, thanks," said Lazik.

"My precious pudding, it's all gone! Wasted, spilled on this nasty floor! Who closed that window?" Luna screamed, looking around the room suspiciously.

"They're always closed," James muttered.

"So it was you!" Luna roared as she scooped up pudding from the floor, "Eat pudding and die, loser!" Luna screeched throwing the pudding at James.

"Okay, I'd duck if I were you." Lazik whispered to James as pudding hit his face.  

"Oh dear god," Twilight muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

She quickly shielded Remus from flying pudding and backed out of the room slowly. 

~*~

                The next morning, the troublesome trio was back in the Gryffindor Common Room…

                "You know, the Yule Ball is only three days away and we don't have dates yet. What are we going to do?" James said while pacing the room.

                "Yeah, this is our last school dance ever and we don't have dates. Everyone knows how important this dance is," Remus replied.

                "Well I have an idea," Sirius said smugly. 

                "Oh god, let's hear it," Remus said, looking exasperated. 

                "We could ask the Amor Sisters to the dance."

                "That's actually almost a good idea. But there's only one problem with it," James said. 

                "There's four if them and three of us. Who gets which one?" Sirius muttered.

                "That could prove to be a problem…I GET TWILIGHT!!" Remus shouted.

                "I get Lazik!!" Sirius bellowed.

                "Hmmmm…decisions, decisions. Well…that was some pretty weird stuff yesterday with Foshizzle and all, so I guess I get Luna," James said tiredly.  

                "I bet that freaky one Midnight is going to be dancing with him," Sirius commented.  The three started laughing hysterically.

~*~

                "Come on Midnight were going to be late!" Twilight bellowed.

                "Well its not my fault Luna used my robes to save her stupid pudding," Midnight argued back.

                "STUPID? MY PUDDING IS NOT STUPID!" Luna screamed throwing pudding at Midnight.

"YOU LITTLE-"

"MIDNIGHT!" Twilight screamed over an obviously infuriated Midnight, "We can just use a little spell to clean this whole thing up," Twilight calmly stated.  And with a flick of her wand the pudding mess was gone.

"Twilight, why'd ya have to do that? I was hoping to see fists fly! I had my money on Midnight…" grumbled a disappointed Lazik.

"Lazik, you know violence isn't the answer," replied Twilight.

"Who said it's a way to answer things I just think its fun to watch people beat the living day lights out of each other," Lazik said grinning.

"Forget it lets just go, we're already five minutes late," Twilight said anxiously.

"Lazik and I will meet you for lunch in the classroom," replied Luna.

"Good riddance! We'll see you two later!" Lazik shouted at their retreating backs.

"You know, I think that we forgot to mention to them that we're teaching the flying lessons," Luna chuckled.

"I think you're right. Oh well, they don't have to know anyway. Knowing them, they would probably object to us teaching the students how to fly. Especially since they're on broomsticks for their first times and we're the only ones watching them. But I don't see why they should be worried. I mean, come on, we can fly for a whole five minutes straight without crashing or falling off," Lazik replied with a proud smirk. 

"Well, we should be off to teach our classes now. What were our names again?" Luna questioned absentmindedly. 

"I'm Madam Hoochie and you're Madam Mama. You have to remember your name, because that's what the students are going to be calling you," Lazik lectured. 

"Right, now I remember."


	2. Insane and Dangerous: Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: As I forgot to say at the beginning of the last chapter of Insane and Dangerous, I do not own any of the characters of Harry Potter.**

"Insane and Dangerous"

Chapter 2

"We are your new flying instructors. This is my associate, Madame Hoochie, and I am her partner, Madame Mama," Luna barked at the class of students. 

            "We will be teaching you how to fly… A BROOMSTICK!!!" Lazik shouted with sudden momentum, making the students in the front row wince. "Remember, this is not supposed to be easy! We just make it look that way." Lazik casually flipped up her nonexistent collar. Luna stood behind Lazik, happily bobbing her head to everything her older sister said. 

            "Just make it look that way, for _sure_," Luna chimed. 

            Motioning over to a pile of broomsticks on the Quidditch field, Lazik bellowed, "TO THE LIGHTNING BOLTZ…. WITH A 'Z'!!!" She started to jog over to the brooms in slow motion, but stopped when she realized that only Luna and a small handful of students were following her. 

            "I mean," Lazik blushed crimson and cleared her throat, "look, there are the broomsticks we'll be using." Slowly, the rest of the class reluctantly followed. 

            "It is now time to learn how to command your brooms off of the ground." Luna stepped forward and held her hand out. "UP!" Her broomstick hovered above of the ground. "Oh yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about! Who's your daddy?" Luna did a happy little jig around her broomstick, basking in the glory of her success.

            The class looked at their instructor uneasily but did as they were told. Some were successful, while others ended up nursing an assortment of injuries. 

            "Now command your broom to return to the ground by saying…DOWN!" Lazik watched her broom in anticipation. Her look of hope soon turned to one of vexation. "I said DOWN!!" she screeched. When the broomstick ignored her orders, she stepped on it, pinning her Lightning Boltz to the ground.

            "There we go," Lazik breathed, brushing a wisp of hair from her eyes. 

            "Time for fun! We will be learning how to board the broomstick and fly and short distance," Luna chattered happily to the class. Excitement rippled through the class of first years and Lazik pulled her goggles on. 

            "OK class, for starters, put on your goggles," Lazik commanded.

            "Ummmmm…. Madame Hoochie? We don't _have _goggles," a brave first year stuttered. 

            "Tough luck," Lazik muttered in response. Luna elbowed her sister and continued speaking.

            "Everyone command their broom up and slowly, SLOWLY, sit down." 

            The students sat on their brooms and waited for their next instruction. Unfortunately for Luna, she was not able to give that instruction. She was hanging upside down on her broom. 

            "This could pose a problem, but I WON'T BE DISCOURAGED!!!" Luna assured the class.

            "Like they care," Lazik snickered.

            "Shut up Lazik and come give me a hand!"

            "All right, all right." Lazik slowly turned her broom around and flew up to her sister.

            "BOOYA LUNA!! Did you see that class? Did you SEE that?! That's how a real pro flies!!" Lazik paused to laugh evilly. Luna scowled at her sister's back as Lazik bowed to the class. 

            Luna slowly took one of her hands of her broom and with a quick swing of her arm, she shoved Lazik off of her broomstick. 

            WHAM!!!! 

            The first years ran over to their fallen instructor to assess the damage. 

            "Is she dead?"

            "Maybe we should take her to the hospital wing…."

            "You idiot! We couldn't pick her up!"

            "If we all tried we could!"

            "Look her hand just twitched!" 

            "Shut up you little BRATS!!" Lazik sat up and glared daggers at the class. 

            Realizing that Lazik was about to do something that she would later regret, Luna put her fear aside and let go of her broom. She hit the ground with a small thud and stood up.

            "Now that wasn't so bad," Luna said cheerfully, brushing dirt off of her robes. "I know that we didn't get to do much in this lesson, but we've run out of time. Class dismissed."

            Her statement was followed by shouts of protest.

            "But Madame Mama! We hardly got to do anything. You and Madame Hoochie messed everything up!" someone boldly spoke out. 

            "Well that wasn't my fault," Luna snapped, "if Madame Hoochie over here hadn't have been so stupid, we would have been able to cover everything that we needed to."

            "Well if _Madame Mama _hadn't have gotten stuck on her broom, the lesson wouldn't have ended like this," Lazik spat. 

            "Cat fight!!" another student shrieked gleefully.

            Luna and Lazik both turned to glare at the students. A few at a time, they all slowly edged their way to the castle. 

            Once all of them had left, Luna picked her Lightning Boltz up off of the ground and sighed. "That was not the way I expected our first lesson to go."

            "I don't think it went all that bad. Did you see some of the awesome moves I enacted?" Lazik asked rhetorically. "I was on fire!"

            "Dear God." Luna massaged her temples tiredly. "If anyone asks, I'm on my lunch break. I could use some pudding. Speaking up pudding, nest time those brats pull tricks like that, don-don-don, it's butterscotch time…" Luna muttered to herself as she walked away. 

            "Hey! Wait for me!"

~*~

            "This dance is going to be the best one ever!" Sirius announced. His friends Remus and James stood behind him, nodding their heads in agreement.

            "I will admit that it would be better if I had gotten first pick from the Amor sisters. The only problem is…. well…Luna's nuts!!" James shouted suddenly. "I don't think that she has a normal bone in her body!!! I will admit that she is _really _hot though, much hotter than any of the girls at Hogwarts most definitely."

            "That's why I don't care if Lazik in nuts or not. And no matter what anyone else thinks, I think that she is a very nice person," Sirius commented to himself.

            "Let's face it guys, we lucked out," James stated smugly.

            "It's Christmas break, it's Christmas break, it's Christmas break," Remus chanted happily. 

            "I think we've clarified that already, Remus." James flopped onto a squashy armchair in their dorm room. 

            "Just in case you didn't already know," Remus argued back. 

            "If we don't get downstairs soon, we're gonna miss breakfast," Sirius whined, pulling on Remus's sleeve. 

            "I knew I was forgetting something." Remus stroked his chin thoughtfully. 

            "Let's go before Remus gives himself an aneurysm from all of this heavy thought." Remus aimed a punch at James, but missed, hitting the wall. 

            "Owie!!!" Remus cried, dancing around while holding his throbbing hand. Sirius and James starting laughing hysterically. 

            "This isn't funny!!! I think I need an x-ray, an operation, something to ease this horrible pain!!!"

            "Get over it, Remus. All you did was whack your hand on the wall," Sirius snickered. 

            "Go cry to mama," James taunted. 

            Remus shouted and charged toward James, savagely pulling his hair and knocking him to the floor.

            "Hah. Take that, James," Remus sneered. 

            James held his head and sat whimpering on the floor.

            "Come on you two. You should be mature like someone you know…" Sirius hinted. 

            "Like who?" James questioned innocently. 

            "Me, of course!!" Sirius proclaimed.  

            Remus threw a pillow at Sirius' head.

            "Someone's grouchy today," Sirius muttered, sticking his tongue out at Remus. 

            "Maybe everyone will feel better if we got some breakfast," James suggested. 

            "Good idea. Let's hit the Great Hall." Making a mad dash for the door, Sirius and Remus trampled James. 

            "Thanks a lot!" James yelled at their retreating backs. 

~*~

            Sirius, Remus, and James entered the Great Hall and went to their usual seats at the Gryffindor table. They sat down and served hearty portions of food onto their plates. Once they settled down, they started to talk about the dance that night. 

            "I wonder what I should wear to the dance this year…" James pondered. 

            "I don't want to wear my stupid dress robes. I think we should have a dress robes bonfire," Sirius muttered cryptically. 

            "What's so wrong with your dress robes? Are they ugly?" Remus snickered. 

            "Not really. I just don't like them. There's no difference between them and my normal robes except the color, so I don't see a point in wearing them," Sirius stated simply. "Now that you mention, actually you didn't mention it, but anyway, I should sell my dress robes on the black market. Have you ever wondered why people call it the black market? Black is my last name, you know." Sirius took a long swig of pumpkin juice. 

            "No more sugar for you, Sirius," James mock reprimanded. 

            "You just had a one way conversation with yourself," Remus said, staring at Sirius. 

            "Like you don't!" Sirius spat back. 

            "Of course I do. Only abnormal people don't have conversations with themselves." 

            "Exactly." Sirius crossed his arms contently. 

            "You know…" James started but was interrupted when Remus elbowed him in the stomach.

            "Look!" he exclaimed, "it's our dates to the ball!! Not to mention Professor Foshizzle's date." 

            "Ooooooooooh! Lazik's lookin' as foxy as ever!" Sirius smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. 

            "All of them are…how did _I _get stuck with the crazy one?!" James blurted out. 

            "Come on, James. She's your date to the dance. Get over yourself," Remus lectured. "Be happy that you didn't find out that Midnight had the hots for Foshizzle when it was too late. Plus, Luna's more your type anyway." 

            "Whatever," James sighed. 

            "We must be real stud-muffins," Sirius said, smoothing back his hair. 

            "Why?" James questioned. 

            "Because they're coming over here."

            Twilight snuck up behind Remus and shouted "hey Remus!"

            "Hey Twilight. What brings you guys over here?" He replied. 

            "We were just wondering what the plans for tonight are." Luna sat down next to James and smiled. "Oh, by the way, I brought you some vanilla pudding! Your favorite!" Luna was about to hand him the pudding, but tripped, causing it to splatter all over James. 

            "Umm…thank you." James managed a grin, wiping pudding off his glasses. 

            "Have no fear! I can clean this up in a jiffy!" Luna grabbed a napkin and wiped off his face. "There. I'll clean up the rest later." 

            "Thanks for the help." 

            "Anything for my honey bun, honey bun." Luna pinched his cheek, causing him to grimace. 

            "Right back at you." James rubbed his cheek.  

            "SO, Lazik, when should I pick you up?" Sirius looked at his date. 

            "You can pick me up at 6:30. By the way, do you even know where to pick me up?" Lazik grinned. 

            "I'll find it…eventually. I don't need directions. I have a knack for finding places," Sirius paused and added, "It's a man thing."  

            "Just in case your direction-radar fails, you can find us in a tent next to the Forbidden Forest."

            "A tent?"

            "We haven't exactly settled in yet," Midnight said slowly. 

            There was a long silence.  

            "…THAT'S AWESOME!!! I've always wanted to see what living in a tent would be like!!! So how is it?" Sirius inquired enthusiastically. 

            "I'd have to say that it's not as comfortable as our castle, but it's nice enough," Twilight replied. 

            "There's only one major problem. Tents are far more flammable than castles, which in my case is very bad. Midnight and Twilight make me go outside when I need to make a fire," Luna pouted. 

            "It's not my fault that you're a walking fire-hazard," Midnight stated defensively.

            "Midnight and I are the only responsible ones in the family! If we weren't here, God knows what would happen to the two of you," Twilight said, pointing her finger at Lazik and Luna. 

            "Well, I'd best be going. I have to go talk Shizzy Wizzy," Midnight informed the group gleefully. 

            Remus, James, and Sirius looked revolted. 

            "Shizzy Wizzy?" Remus questioned incredulously. 

            "Please tell me I didn't hear what I just heard," James said, grabbing Sirius' collar. 

            "I wish I could, James. I wish I could," Sirius replied, patting James on the shoulder. 

            "What's so wrong with calling my boyfriend a pet name?" Midnight questioned indignantly. 

            Lazik looked at her elder sister. "You've gone far beyond pet names, Midnight."

            "_Shizzy Wizzy_?" Remus repeated. 

             "I have to agree with everyone else. After all these years of living with Luna and Lazik, I know scary when I see it." Twilight shook her head sadly. 

            "I know when I'm not wanted! Foshnizums is never like this!" Midnight shouted dramatically over her back as she ran toward the faculty table. 

            "Dear lord! I hope I never have to hear that _ever _again," James whispered. 

            "I might start having heart palpitations," Sirius muttered. 

            "I wonder what Professor Foshizzle would do if we called him Shizzy Wizzy or Foshnizums in the hall!!!" Remus chuckled evilly. 

            "You would have to wait until we're all there for that to happen," Twilight laughed. 

            "Got any other plans over the Christmas break?" Sirius eagerly wheedled Lazik. 

            "I might have a few, though I may have some open spaces." 

            "You too, Twilight?" Remus inquired, looking flirtatiously at his date. 

            "You bet." 

            "I have tons of time for you, James!" Luna shrieked happily. 

            "Woo hoo," James said weakly. 

            Twilight looked at her watch. "We have to be going. It's time to go set up for the dance." 

            "Sounds like fun." Sirius, James, and Remus waved goodbye. 

~*~

            "What this place needs is bubbles," Lazik stated matter-of-factly. 

            "Lazik, this is a Yule Ball. Why do we need bubbles?" Twilight questioned her sister. 

            "If not bubbles, _what else, _Ms. I-Have-a-Permanent-Stick-Shoved-Up-My-Ass?! Besides, you can eat them." __

            "Bubbles are a good idea, Lazik," Luna said, defending her sister. 

            "I never said they were a bad idea!" Twilight said peevishly. 

            "Who cares?" Midnight said, breaking in. 

            "She's got a point," Lazik added. 

            "But you're the one who started this!" 

            Luna "coincidentally" started humming the song "Give Peace a Chance". 

            "All right, all right!! I get the message!" Twilight shouted. 

            "I think the rest of the teachers can take the decorating from here," Midnight said, brushing off her robes. 

            "Good idea! I have to start getting ready anyway. I was also thinking about making some pudding…" Luna said as she stood up. 

            Twilight and Lazik followed the others out of the room, Lazik only stopping to trip Twilight on the way out the door. 

~*~

            "We look HOT tonight, my friends. People are gonna stop in their tracks just to look at us, baby!" Sirius told his friends Remus and James. 

            "Don't they always?" Remus said smugly. 

            "Of course they do. We just look better than usual," James added. 

            "Special occasions call for looking better than usual," Sirius replied, smoothing the wrinkles in his robes. 

"I pity the other women who get a look at us. They might faint from our godly, gorgeousness," Remus snickered.

"OK, that's enough. I think we finally have enough confidence to leave the room now," James said, looking in the mirror for a final time. 

"I sure hope Lazik likes the robes," Sirius said, looking at his gold-trimmed black robes. 

            "Of course she will. I bet Twilight will love my robes too!" Remus shouted happily. He was prancing around the room wearing sapphire-blue robes. James was wearing emerald-green robes. 

            "I know Luna's gonna love your robes, James!" Remus smiled. 

            "They bring out the green in your eyes, dear!" Sirius teased.

            "Shut up. I already have one mom, Sirius," James retorted. 

            "Stop fighting. We should leave that for the ladies trying to get a look at us," Remus said while opening the common room door. 

            "Right you are, Remus," Sirius said, dragging James out the door. 

~*~ 

            "I hate to break it to you Twilight, but I will anyway. You look like a vampire!" Luna laughed at her sister, Twilight. 

            "Shut up, Luna! I don't care what you think. Black and maroon are in this season!" Twilight angrily informed Luna. 

            "This is a Yule Ball, _not _a costume ball," Luna argued back. 

            "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!" Midnight shouted over the commotion.             

            "Well said, Midnight." Lazik emerged from behind the curtain of her room in their enchanted tent. She was wearing a turquoise blue dress speckled with gold glitter. Her blue hair was done up in ponytail and spiked at the top of her head. 

            "I think that I should bring some pudding to the dance. What if people don't like the refreshments that the other teachers came up with? They'll need my pudding to save the Yule Ball! But for the people who don't like my normal pudding…. IT'S THE BUTTERSCOTCH FOR THEM!!! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!" Luna's face turned as red as her hair and crimson dress. 

            "Calm down, Luna. No one said that they didn't like your pudding. But instead of taking the risk that they might dislike it, how about leaving your pudding at home," Midnight said smartly. 

            "I don't think so. That would make so many people suffer. Being the generous person that I am, I'll bring _enough for everyone_," Luna smirked. 

            "You do that." Midnight made the final touches on her dress, turning the fabric a deep copper. 

            "When will the guys get here?" Lazik questioned, helping Luna scoop impressive amounts of Insta-Pudding into containers. 

            "Soon! It's almost 6:30!! I'm so excited! Now everyone will know about Foshnizums and my love!" Midnight sighed happily. 

            "Oh put a cork in it! No one cares about some dumb professor. Wait till they see our hot dates!" Twilight shrieked. 

            The chime of a doorbell sounded. 

            "They're here!" all the witches shouted. 

            Luna, Lazik, Twilight, and Midnight made a mad dash for the door, tripping over their dresses on the way. Luna stumbled and slammed into a wall, Lazik ran into a pole, and Twilight smashed into a dresser. 

            Midnight opened the door triumphantly. "Shizzy Wizzy! We're gonna have fun tonight! It's boogie time!" 

            "Of course, my love! We shall tango the night away!" Professor Foshizzle proclaimed. 

            "Yo Lazik! I bet you're looking as beautiful as ever!" came a voice from behind Professor Foshizzle. 

            Sirius, James, and Remus stepped over the hill, looking for their dates. 

            "PROFESSER FOSHIZZLE?!" 

            "What are you Gryffindors doing here?!" 


End file.
